Fictional 2028 ticket · imagine the relief
More freedom. Less government. Real people. And yes: weigh the tin before you pay for the tin.
This is a joke ticket for people tired of being told to pick a team. Spike Cohen noticed when the scale was wrong. Jessi Cowart noticed when the cameras went up without a real argument. Neither asked to be on a presidential bumper sticker. Frankly, that is the nicest thing anyone can say about a presidential bumper sticker.
On or about a Thursday in August, candidate Spike Cohen purchased a pound of nova lox at Kroger for $7.99. Anyone who follows nova lox knows this is an incredible price. The fish counter subtracted one hundredth of a pound for the tin. The tin did not weigh one hundredth of a pound. It weighed 0.0375 pounds. The overcharge was 21.975 cents.
A Cohen/Cowart administration would weigh the tin. We would eat the lox first, because wasting salmon is a separate offense. We would post the photos. If the store later explains that the tare was meant for the plastic bag, we would update the record and still go back, because the price is the price.
Once trust is broken, it takes a lot to rebuild. Amazing fish prices help.
2020 Libertarian Vice Presidential Bronze Medalist. Founder of You Are The Power. Confessional Lutheran with half-Ashkenazi blood and a kitchen scale he keeps for situations like this, which is often.
There is a story that he once worked at a hatchery in a small village. He has not confirmed the village. He has confirmed the salmon. Some relatives will not be invited to the salmon barbeque. He is at peace with this.
Jessi is a third-generation Montgomery County resident, an Oak Ridge High School graduate, and an IT project manager. She has roots here, a life here, and a professional habit of finishing the thing that needs finishing—even when the answer is no.
She likes guns, a cold drink after the work is done, and not being managed by people who have never met her neighbors. She has a couple of tattoos. They are not a platform plank. She is good company, unimpressed by the performance, and not here to scold anyone about theory. If that is what you came for, you have the wrong Cowart.
